December 24, 2006
'Twas the night before Christmas, and all across the nets
Not a website was updated, not even that MySpace mess;
"Our" Time award for personhood lay on the table with care,
In the hopes that St. Nick, or at least someone, would care;
The Democrats, meanwhile, lay all snug in their beds,
While visions of impeachment hearings danced in their heads;
And Pelosi in her donkey scarf, and Reid in Abramoff's cap,
Had just finished preparations for her big inaugural bash.
When from out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
Even the media had to wake up to see what was the matter.
Away to the scene they flew like a flash,
So fast that you'd have thought Britney's bits had made a comeback.
The moonlight on the streets of brown nasty snow
Gave off a sickly gold luster to objects below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a long stretch limo being bashed by what looked like a reindeer.
A well dressed man with the craziest comb-over sprang into view,
A wild gleam in his eyes, like a boss just about to fire you.
As a hurricane his curses and ranting began,
And lo if said "reindeer" wasn't actually an odd little woman.
"Now what's the meaning here!" the man bellowed and spat,
"You've interrupted my pageant, and I'm just not down with that."
"You've slandered my name, you've made fun of my hair,"
"And I can't even make money off the ratings we're sharing!"
"Oh take a flying leap!" she retorted, her tantrum unabated,
As she started ranting and raving about the state of the nation.
"To the top of the networks, to the top of New York!"
"I am an empire," he cried, "Now get the hell off my porch!"
And he returned to his limo, and made ready to fly,
And his driver hit the gas as if a cattle prod had met his backside.
The woman dove aside, as no obstacle would intrude,
And as the limo took off I noticed it led a caravan of news crews.
But if there's one thing unclear as to what happened that night,
Is why this train wreck continued well on past midnight?
YouTube and lawyers and the press began to swarm,
And like a pre-Christmas boxing match, they kept at their 'verbal porn.'
Of course while this mess was going on it gave Santa a chance,
To drop off the packages and get the heck out without getting trapped.
He's a big guy, you know, and he's got a long way to go,
And all the milk and cookie treats - well 'ol Kris got kind of slow.
But I heard not a word as the man went to work and left presents,
And thankfully it appeared that the reindeer had gone before they left their residence.
As it is that's a lot of hooves pounding around on my roof,
And the insurance company said it was a bunch of B.S. if I didn't have proof.
Quick as a wink though Santa was back in that sleigh,
And I don't blame the guy really because the media started looking his way.
But I thought I heard him call out as he flew off into the night,
"Would you people just cut this crap out! You're embarrassing! Now good night!"
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Comments
Funny stuff, that.
Merry Christmas.
Posted by: Jim - PRS | December 25, 2006 10:49 PM