April 10, 2006
President Weasel is EVIL!! Bwahahahahahaha!!!
The plot thickens, as last week it was revealed that President Logan is in cahoots with the terrorists. That's right - no wonder he didn't care that the First Lady was in the Russian limo about to be ambushed, or that he yelled at McGill for not letting the terrorists release the nerve gas in the shopping mall...wait... Who am I kidding? This guy was evil all along! He was just willy nilly about everything. It's just that now he's revealed himself to be clever, cunning, smarter, weasely-er. He's faster than the average bear, I tell you. He's the evil Scarlet Pimpernel!
And Audrey has turned out to be a hero.
So yes, the situation could not be any worse.
Now, last week, after the writers failed miserably chose to spare Audrey from the questioners, they (thank God) ended the 13 hour quest for the canisters...and proceded to move on to the quest for a missing daughter. But in this instance they appropriately realized that they only had 9 hours left with which to find the little one, and so (with some number rounding) they dropped this plot point down to a thirty minute adventure. Bravo. Seriously.
So at the start of last week's episode, Jack turned up alive. He had escaped the firey blast that incinerated the canisters and - considering California's environmental laws - probably the only natural gas distribution center for the entire state. I'm sure no one will notice.
Jack also rescued Bierko, and promptly sent him back to CTU to be tortured interrogated. But that's a good thing, because Jack's spidey sense is tingling, and he's certain that there is a lot more to this terrorist attack than just these canisters.
CTU meanwhile, is being consumed by Homeland Security. The why's, if's or how such a take-over could even happen (I mean seriously, have you ever, in your entire life, seen one government agency be absorbed by another government agency? They don't get absorbed, even by Homeland. They multiply, like a virus.) let alone in twenty minutes are unimportant. It's happening.
Of course while it's happening, Hayes and Miles begin looking for scapegoats, someone to blame the entire day's failures on (finally, real government workers). And they settle on Buchanan and the Defense Department, via Audrey. They then attempt to extort get a signed statement out of Audrey, so she can save her ass escape accusations of wrongdoing, blaming CTU and Buchanan for the day's fowl-ups. She tells them to go to hell no, but then...Jack calls.
Now Jack had just learned from Wayne Palmer that David Palmer had a contact named Evelyn, Martha Logan's aide. And through Evelyn, David learned about the terror plot, and that was why he was murdered. Agent Pierce and Wayne, having escaped from the commando team in the woods, strongly suspect the Vice President, because in general he just looks evil. But Jack needs proof, and he wants it out of Evelyn. But Evelyn isn't talking, because Henderson has her daughter and will kill her if she talks. She has a meeting set up with Henderson to hand over the evidence she has of the conspiracy.
So Jack decides some thigh shooting is in order, so he calls Audrey to get Chloe to set up a perimeter while he and Wayne fight about who gets to shoot who. But the plan falls apart, because with Homeland absorbing CTU, Chloe lost her computer. No perimeter setting, no data mining, no satellite tracking...without Chloe, it was like Jack had Kryptonite around his neck.
Jack convinces Audrey that Superman was indeed a good film, and so she agrees to sell out CTU and Buchanan and sign the form Homeland offered her. She then requests Chloe be reinstated to assist her with her report (Oddly enough, the most believable part of the show. I mean it's a government report, so it's not all that hard to believe she'd need an army of people to help her write it.). But as Chloe freaks out wonders aloud why Audrey has sold out CTU, Audrey reminds her about the first rule of CTU - don't talk about it, just help Jack!
So Chloe, back in the game but only firing on one satellite instead of two, soon sets up a mini-perimeter for Jack at the coal plant where Henderson is hiding. Apparently this is an energy-themed season, natural gas, and now coal plants. If this thing ends up culminating at a nuclear plant or on a dam, remember you read it here first. But anyway, even with Chloe back in action, her decreased capacity has left Jack to take on a huge number of bad guys. But Wayne was a marine, and he says he's up for some thigh shooting. And so as Evelyn enters the coal facility to meet Henderson, Jack and Wayne sneak around Chloe's perimeter and start taking out bad guys. A thigh here, a neck slash there, a chest shot everywhere - and soon it's just Jack, his crackle-modded terrorist radio, and his sniper rifle.
It looks like Henderson doesn't stand a chance. But this show has 9 hours to go, and so when Henderson is standing out in the open and Jack has a clear shot, he...takes out the remaining terrorists and saves Evelyn and her daughter. Henderson gets away in her car.
Evelyn was shot, but in the arm, not the thigh, so she lived (thank God) - and she tells Wayne that he's wrong, that it's not the Vice President, it's ****See top of page!****
Henderson, speeding away, calls the evil President Weasel, and assures him that Jack and Wayne will die, and the secrets will die with them.
So tonight, will Jack survive? Probably. But will anyone else? Who knows. Tune in tonight and find out!
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